Long Time No Post!

ikes! Has it been that long since I last posted?!?

Sorry, folks. Things have been crazy busy. I was sick for the better part of a week (stomach flu or food poisoning, not sure which). Then, about a week later, Husband and Son were sick with the stomach flu. Fortunately, we were able to isolate ourselves from the Elders, and neither of them got sick. I can't imagine how awful it would have been for them if they'd had the violent vomiting and overall achiness that we had.

Since my last post, there was an issue with the recycled teenagers. I'll post about that next time. That incident led to Dad having a backache, so he's had chiropractor appointments 2-3 times a week. Add that to Mom's physical therapy once or twice a week and the other appointments Dad has for his chronic pain and abdominal issues, and I spend a lot of time driving them to appointments--almost every week day, plus one Saturday Dad had to go to urgent care for bronchitis.

One good thing that has kept me from blogging is that I've been doing a much better time taking care of myself. Remember, sustaining the sitter's sanity is one of the most important aspects of eldersitting. I found a show I like to watch on Netflix. I went to the cosmetology school for a haircut and found out their prices are so reasonable, even I can afford to treat myself once a week. The depression/anxiety medication has kicked in, and I can once again concentrate to read a book. And, I'm writing a book myself (a training book for the computer classes I teach).

Additionally, Husband and I are meeting with our pastor for counseling. This is a very stressful situation we're living in, and while I have no regrets, we need to do some work on maintaining our relationship to ensure we don't eventually rue the day we moved here.

So, I've been busy. But, I miss posting, too, and I'm going make an effort to do a lot more of it!

Depression and Anxiety

have a history of depression and anxiety.

Caregiving is very stressful. I knew that it would be, but I didn't know that it would be. What I mean is I knew logically that it would be difficult, but I didn't realize the depths the difficulty would take me.

I yell at my husband. I yell at my mother. I push off my son and only half-listen when he talks to me. I don't talk to friends. I complain all the time. I'm so easily frustrated by everything that there is little joy left in life.

And I cry. A lot.

One Sunday, I cried because I missed my turn, which resulted in a fight with my husband--he wasn't upset I missed the turn; I was upset because he said that he thought I'd missed it, but didn't say anything. I couldn't get it together. Every time I thought I might stop, I couldn't. I finally asked my husband if I could go sit in the hallway, where I woudn't be a distraction to the pastor or the congregation. Not to mention embarrassed.

So, it's been several weeks since I realized I should get some help. Last week, I finally called. It's a hard call to make, on many levels, not the least of which are pride and because we don't have insurance and everything costs so much. Fortunately, my dad's doctor was willing to start me on the medications I took a few years ago, without an appointment, and I'll go in to see him in a couple of weeks to make sure it's going well.

The medicine seems to be helping. I hope other caregivers will take help when they need it. Pride can be a very bad thing sometimes.

Revelation

his week, I've had a revelation for relieving my stress taking care of my parents. I've been playing with them.


Not making fun of them or anything like that. But playing cards. They were big card players in their day, and when I was young, they'd go to someone's house at least a couple times a month to play cards. For many years, Dad hasn't wanted to go places. He's been depressed, but they couldn't find the right combination of meds to help him. Mom doesn't drive, so when Dad stopped going places... her social life almost completely cut off.

I never got into playing cards much as an adult, but my daughter is visiting from college this week, and she loves to play cards with her friends at the dorms. So, she's been teaching me and my son games over the past year, and this visit was no exception. And Mom, in turn, taught her how to play their favorite card game, Whist. (My son had previously learned when my brother was visiting a couple of weeks ago.)

Mom was fascinated watching us play cards Sunday afternoon. She didn't even take a nap! She didn't want to play the games we were playing, but she didn't want to miss out on watching us. So, I suggested we play Whist and let her in on the fun. We've played every day since, and I have been a lot less stressed out this week! My husband has learned to play, too, and let me tell you, he and my dad make a formidable partnership!

I used to work upstairs with Mom and Dad, cooking, cleaning, taking them to appointments, paying bills, and whatever else needed to be done. After our evening meal (is it dinner or supper?), I would immediately go downstairs, to "get away". But I'm finding staying up there for an hour is good for us all.

The Sovereignty of God

(I started writing this before Uncle's funeral.)

I've been struggling.

Mom and I have been fighting.

I moved here to take care of things for her and Dad. I did not move here to watch her keep working herself to death. I came here to encourage her to take care of her health, resting regularly according to the doctor's orders, and not doing dangerous things like cutting with sharp knives (she has no feeling in her left hand/arm/side/leg) or bending over to pick things up from the floor (her balance has never recovered since the stroke). She was even talking the other day about wanting to iron!  Mom! You can't do that!

But it seems the more I try to get her to do what's good for her, the more she fights me. We're both stubborn. We're both argumentative. We're both hard-headed. Where'd ya think I got it from?

A woman at my church works in the Alzheimer's unit at a nursing home, so I wrote her an email on Saturday when we were at our worst. "How do you get a stroke patient to stop working and take care of herself? I came here to help extend her life, not watch her work herself to death."

Her answer: You don't.

But, she did have some good ideas. She suggested saying things like, "Mom, do you want to come have a cup of tea with me?" and sit down with her. "Mom, can you look at something with me?" and sit down with her. In other words, don't tell her she needs to rest, but that I need her for something.

She also reminded me that nothing I can do, nothing Mom can do, can add an hour to her life. She will live as long as God wants her to. No more and no less.

It's amazing how freeing it is to bask in the light of God's sovereignty.

And now, I intend to enjoy the last weeks/months/years I have with my parents.

Stress Relief

I am not a spokesperson for the company I am about to name, but their product is an incredibly effective natural stress reliever. It's actually called Natural Stress Relief, made by Life Extension.

Ever since I moved in, my mom and I have been battling over the number of supplements she and Dad take. (There were over 50 of them a day!! But that's a topic for a different blog entry.) However, during a particularly stressful week at the end of a time my husband had been gone for 17 days visiting family in another state, I started taking the Natural Stress Relief. Over the next few days, I noticed I wasn't as grumpy or anxious--but I attributed it to his coming home, not the pills.

I finished a 30-day supply of the pills and thought, "I don't need those anymore." But soon, I was feeling overwhelmed and yelling at people again.

We got some more of the stuff. I don't know how it works, but it works. It seems better for all involved for me to continue using it.

Early Morning Walk

I've been wanting to do some walking, but never seem to find the time. My son has been walking a lot, lately, so I asked him how early I'd have to get up for him to be able to walk with me before school. Only 45 minutes earlier than I usually get up.

Last night, I planned to go to bed a little early, in preparation for walking, but it was later than usual when I actually went to bed. I decided against setting an alarm for the earlier time.

I woke up almost exactly at the time my son mentioned.

We went for a walk. Not very long, about 10 minutes--I want to work up to it so I don't get sore right away and give up--but walk, we did. It's very peaceful walking on the roads outside Rural Town. I'm sure my body appreciated the activity, and I'm hopeful that some brain chemicals will be at work throughout the day.

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Secure Your Own Mask Before Assisting Others

Many people warned me.

If you're going to take care of someone else, make sure you take care of yourself first. It's sort of like when a flight attendant tells you about the oxygen masks on the plane: secure your own mask first before helping others - even children.

Did I listen? Not in the beginning.

You see, I have a tendency to think of myself as Superwoman. I can do it all... and then some. I probably would have been dumb enough to think that I could get my child's mask on before my own if we were on a depressurizing airplane. I heard on a TV show recently that it only takes 20 seconds to lose consciousness. Seriously... 20 seconds.

My parents rely on me every day. I make their meals, do their laundry, take them to appointments, do all the shopping. It seems like there is always something more that needs to be done. And like a good Superwoman, I try to do it all.

After a lot of trial and a while bunch of errors, I've learned that two weeks is the longest I can go without a break (though it's far better if I get some time away once or twice a week). If I don't, it's not a pretty sight.

In other words, I've learned the hard way to make sure I secure my own mask before assisting others - even the elderly.

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